Critique Groups...Do you need them? Are they good for you?

How thick does your skin actually have to be?

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I ran across someone saying that they felt like a loser every time they got feedback on their writing and they attributed it to themselves not having thick enough skin, which made them feel worse. So, I was thinking about my own feelings about writer’s groups, and beta readers and “feedback loops”, and my experiences with them.

I have to say first off that I finally did win the lottery with the writer’s group that I am in now, so it’s possible to find one. (Love you AlphaMercs!) But it is not easy to find good ones, or even one person that really knows how to support you as you grow in skill. But here goes the rest of my opinions, to new writers, because I have been in some bad writer groups before. And yes, these are my opinions!

I just wanted you to know that most people can't give good feedback. For one, most of them don’t know how, especially when talking to new writers. And they start with lots of technicalities, or they just say you suck and go fix it. Many of them have no idea what is truly wrong with your story, EVEN if they are writers higher on the totem pole than you. Every writer’s process is unique, every story is unique and generalities don’t address that. (This can apply to artists too - I’ve also run into this in the art world.)

I don't know how long you've been writing, or whether you've done writer adjacent things, such as TTRPG or DMing? (Those kinds of oral story-telling can help.)

But, if you've not been doing it long, then you may not have learned that your stories are your babies, a piece of your soul and heart, so yeah, it HURTS when someone says anything bad about them.

After you've been writing a while (numbers of stories, not numbers of pages), then they become your teenagers, it still makes you cringe, because it's reflecting on YOU, but you can deal with a bit of smack talk about your teen.

So, if it’s ripping your heart out every time they critique a story, you might need to find a gentler group to critique you at this stage. Being told the good things about your story(ies) is SUPER important when you are beginning. Just like being given praise and good instruction when first learning to draw. If all you get is hate, you are not likely to ever learn to draw well. I know some people say that you just need to get a thicker skin and DEAL with the critiques, buck up, be a man/woman. My feelings is, that it doesn’t help you to be a better writer/artist to deal with bullies punching down at you all the time.

There are professional jerks that get paid to say nasty things about your books/art and they can have all the fun of it. But, by the time you get on their radar, you are likely to be a very good writer already and you can just ignore the bullies.

So, for regular, decent critique partners and writing groups, you also have to look at what they are saying. Just because they are in a group doesn't mean that they are good at feedback, OR that they are RIGHT. Many people give really bad advice, because they "heard" someone say it and then they take it as gospel truth. When in actuality, it's just a guideline-or even-gasp-wrong. Or maybe they don’t like your genre, the majority of folks have a hard time saying anything nice about a genre they personally don’t like. It’s just human nature.

You also need to consider what it is you want to accomplish with your writing.

Do you want to get trad published? That is like winning the lottery, and you have to be willing to "buy their ticket", which means bowing to their rules and gatekeeping. If that is what you are willing to do to get what you want, then you hone your craft, figure out what it is they are wanting and expect to wait 3-5 years after you start submitting, to even get a chance to put a foot in the door. But, hey! it’s a great goal.

If you want to do small press, then again. Look at what they are publishing and write things that are as close to what they are already publishing as possible. They have a brand they are working with, and you need to fit the brand until possibly later, so make it easier on yourself and fit the brand!

Practice short story writing, it is VERY different from novellas and novels, but it does help you to think more critically. MANY of the "rules" you hear are for novels, not for shorts. (Raconteur Press recently had a good essay on short stories.)

If you want to Indie Publish (which is NOT vanity publishing), then you need to compare yourself to the last story YOU wrote, not to the multi-published authors you see around you. Write what you love -it will show through to the reader even if it isn't "perfect". And write often, just like any other skill (such as shooting or cooking or folding hospital corners on your sheets) it gets better with practice. But also, make sure you get to the end of the story. If you always stop before then you teach yourself to never finish. (Ask me how I know..)

Look at the people giving the critiques, do they have published works? They might not even really "know" what it takes and they are jealous of your talent. You never know. The story of the crabs in the pot is sadly a true one.

You don't have to have a thick skin as a new writer (or artist), no matter what some folks preach, that's just a sadistic myth like “paying your dues”. Do you really want to be in a writer’s union subject to some boss’s whim? If not, then you don’t have to buy into it. The publishing world is changing and has changed. You do need to listen to yourself, as you are growing your self confidence, one bit at a time. Are you being hard headed and defending something that you know in your heart isn’t the best you can do (at this time - always at this time). Or should you take a humble step back and really look to see if that story has the flaw they are talking about. Ask yourself if what they are saying is what you’re actually doing? If you are a construction worker and they are telling you that you need to use brass-headed tacks for the upholstery, then it isn't the advice you need. If they are telling you that your concrete slurry is too thin, then certainly take another look at it.

Also, if it's a first draft they are looking at, ignore everything they say having to do with grammar or punctuation. It doesn't matter at that point, it just keeps you re-writing the same thing over and over, but that doesn’t get you to the end of the story. Copyediting is one of the last things you do.

As a beginning writer, right now you are looking for the story, for the characters, for THEIR story, that is what is important.

I suggest following Harvey Stanbrough's substack. He gives great REAL in-the-trenches advice. He has been a TEACHER as well as a writer, and is currently an ACTIVE writer, not one of those, "I wrote one short story, so I'm an expert now." types that you find online all the time.

His advice is absolutely fantastic. And he is very good about answering questions. He is very supportive of writers who want to write.

Hope that helps.

Good luck new writer or artist, there is plenty of space for you.

Thick skin is for rhinos, or elephants and neither one of those write good stories.